The day has come and gone. Looking at the ultrasound, squinting to find the heartbeat, only to hear Peg tell me that the heart had stopped. Devastation sets in as I think of all the things I have to do to prepare for the next week. I wish we had more time. I wish we did not have to say good bye.
Today we found out our son, Nathan Andrew Kaiser, passed away. I do not even know what to think right now. Nathan could be our last child. He could be the last chance Tom and I had at a biological family. I don't want to let go. I don't want this to be my reality.
I am frustrated and angry and devastated. I don't want to bury our second child in the same year. No parent should have to deal with losing a child, let alone losing two.
The only thing I know right now is our baby is in the hands of our Heavenly Father. One day I will get to meet him. Until that day I will praise God for giving the strength to press on after losing two sons.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Praise God for His faithfulness in giving us a child!
There are children out there for you whether biological or other. You two have so much love to give, and our God knows this. What we don't know is what plans God has for us.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you both, your families and blessings for little Nathan Andrew in Heaven.
I'm sorry Abbey. I know the pain of loss- our 24 day old daughter died in 2009 due to medical error. Add in our 6 miscarriages, and it's easy to relate and understand your thoughts and feelings. We are blessed to have a son...now 7 years old. I hope you will let me know if you want/need someone to talk to.
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