That is what I cried out this morning in the shower. Why is this happening again? Did we not prove ourselves to be faithful servants when this happened with Grant? Did we not continue to go to church and scour God's Word for peace and comfort? Did we not pray for this to never happen again? Why God?!? Did we not trust that no matter the outcome with Grant that You would give us a healthy child? Did we not blindly, in faith, try to conceive again? Why God?!?
I stood there sobbing in disbelief that this could be happening again. I don't understand! Infertility is one thing, extremely difficult I know, but to have to actually bury a child is devastating. I can't do that again. Watching them put the tiny, white casket in the ground. Putting dirt on top, knowing I will never be able to hold my baby again. I will never get to kiss my baby or ever see a smile on their face or hold them when they cry. I will never hear them call me momma or watch as they light up when their daddy enters the room. Why am I robbed of these things?
I was able to talk to some friends and family, and if I got anything from them it was "we deserve a healthy child." Then why don't I have one? Why do I have pain and sorrow? Why do I have to bury my children? I had to think long and hard why God would let this happen again. And I could not come up with an answer. God would never want us to feel this way. It is not God who did this!! This is the work of Satan! I will not let Satan take me away from God. I ask Jesus Christ to take Satan from this place!! He will NOT take our joy from having a baby, he will NOT stand in the way of Tom and I having a family. Satan is not welcome in my home or my life and I will not stand to have him here.
Tom and I know that this baby IS God's gift. This is a blessing from above and one we will gladly endure the pain for. We have been greatly blessed in our lives. God never ceases to amaze me. His blessings overflow from our lives, and I see them more during this difficult time. What amazing people God as blessed our lives with! I can not thank all of you enough for your thoughts, kind words and most of all your prayers for us. It is when tragedy strikes that God shows us how blessed we really are!
Blessings by Laura Story
This song describes a lot of what I feel today. Through our pain we are truly blessed! I know God will continue to bless us through our sadness.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
Praise God for His faithfulness in giving us a child!
I was just thinking of that song while thinking of you earlier. Was wondering if you'd heard it. It was great talking to you today. You have stayed in my thoughts and prayers all day.
ReplyDeleteSherry
Abbey, I have been thinking about you guys non stop. Yes, infertility is painful, as is a miscarriage, but what you guys went through, to me, is the most heartbreaking of situations one can experience. You will have a healthy baby someday. I am SO PROUD of you guys for not letting this waver your faith in God, because I've seen people do as such for much less serious situations. You will be rewarded for it. Everybody who has ever had the pleasure of knowing you guys seems to be praying (judging by all of the MANY comments I have seen), and you guys will have your happy ending. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteTrina
Hello, I received a request to pray for you from a mutual friend...alexis. I will absolutely do that because I do believe that Jesus can heal, but I'd also like to share a link to a friend of mine's blog with you. She has lost a little one and has so many great things to share. I think you will be blessed to read some of her posts. Her blog is http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fpsdamaska.blogspot.com%2F&h=fAQDJ-CJv
ReplyDeleteI hope that link works. Tammy